in the belly

between stories

In winter’s depths is kindled

True spirit life with glowing warmth;

It gives to world appearance,

Through forces of the heart, the power to be.

Grown strong, the human soul defies

With inner fire the coldness of the world.

—Rudolf Steiner, Calendar of the Soul —43rd week January 26-Feb 1

Ice. Frozen crust of snow. Peek a boo moments of mud. Magpies communicating in the winter rosehips. White Cloud. Blue grey sky. Imbolc. In the belly. A shining Day when we step out of the ordinary and into the extra ordinary between the normal rhythm of time.

And we have slithered into the year of the snake. snake season. Here we go. It’s transformation time.

A couple things I know about transformation:

Butterflies do it. Egg. Caterpillar. Chrysalis. Butterfly!

Alas, we are not butterflies.

But, Butterfly gives us archetypal points on the map.

In butterfly language -transformation is a natural cyclical process of life/death/life for the butterfly/caterpillar/butterfly

In human lingo -transformation can hurt. It can be scary. It is unpredictable. It can be a back and forth contract/expand/push/pull/open/shut. It molts us, if we are willing. Or it crisis'-es us, if we are not. EMERGENCY!!!!!!! or Emergence.

I’ve done it before. (haha —what am I saying?!? -actually, it has done me.) Multiple times. Each time, a terrible beautiful terror mess leading to beauty and growth and change. Some people use drugs to facilitate this process. I don’t. I’m too thin with the veils. Some alternative doorways: grief. insomnia. music. nature. healing facilitation. dreams. My own cracking open sans drugs is enough of wonder ride under world ride or me. Each time is different. Each time -I have a lot of fear. Each time -I discover a new place of peace and strength. Each time -I see there is work inside to clear. Each time, I see something new emerging, leading me towards life, towards change, towards greater flexibility so that the hard belly of winter melts away, and the new seed of spring sprouts, blossoms and fruits.

It’s just so much harder as a human, than as a butterfly.

Cycles. Seasons. The Wheel turns. We have points that remind us which parts to season and which parts to clear cut. Which parts to nurture. Which parts to prune.

Our story is kerfuddled with emotions. trauma. ptsd. separation. isolation. mental beliefs. emotional waves we don’t always know how to navigate. past life release (that our mind can’t always figure out). ancestral burdens in our bones -epigenetic trauma that also doesn’t have a storyline to figure out.

How we see the story informs our way through.

There are many ways to look at it when you are inside of it.

Northern Hemisphere. And it is Imbolc. Today. We are in the crusty underbelly of winter. Somewhere things are stirring.

Gosh -you might have to meditate or get on your knees to hear it. You might have to change a habit to remember how to find it. You might have to surrender to something that doesn’t make sense, but which you trust as the right way forth, in order to receive it. You might have to slow WAY the fuck down and listen to the quiet calm of night past the noise, past the worry, past the anxiety, past the fear and straight into the heart of it.

You might have to be like Teresa of Avila and die to the self. What does that mean exactly? In winter, we are full of many crusty fears and worries, hidden ferments and strange nightmares. Our mental constructs can harden. Our personalities can get stuck. And as we age, we can harden -in our bones, in our musculature, and even more strongly in our mental patterns, in our emotional patterns. We can and do get stuck.

We’ve got inside work and outside work. And sometimes we forget the inside work because we are so lied to, so subtly and not so subtly made to experience distraction around every corner and most especially in the very palm of our hands with a machine that connects us to a false sense of being connected to everything.

Sometimes you gotta let that shiitake go and eliminate the distractions. Because each elimination will bring up a sense of what is stirring in the belly. The good and the bad and the ugly lol. And there can be a lot of dark snakes in there. Old fears. Old traumas. Old emotions stuffed way down. Old thoughts. And it doesn’t always make sense. Sometimes it is so irrational. But it’s there. and we have to get current. To the 2025 timeline and begin the hard work of releasing the dark snakes in the belly. Releasing the old past life traumas. To make room for what wants to shine forth.

Source is stirring, shining in the Belly. Imbolc Season. Listen for it. For the source of strength. For the source of faith. For the source of Life. For the source of Renewal. For the source of Forgiveness. For the source of Meaning. For the source of Soul. For the source of God. Christ. Mucka Wucka. Goddess. Call it what you will.

It’s stirring.

The light. It changes. On both ends of the spheres. We see a hint of a lift. It’s subtle. Southern Hemisphere sees a golden tide beginning.

The light is everything inside of all that is dark. Follow that light. Court her. Trust her invitation. Commit to her.

This Imbolc Season -court your inner Warrior Seed. Court your inner Hope Seed. Find your Seed. Maybe she is finding you. Maybe you are the seed. Trust that it is going to grow stronger than it is today. It will grow double size. triple size. It will quadruple. It will sprout something! Trust what you feel -trust the raw gnawing feeling in the belly in the middle of the night. Feed it good thoughts. Good foods. Good habits. Nurture it with balance. Sleep with it. You will be hit by a 1001 reasons to falter, doubt, stall, procrastinate, dismay. Trust me. Strengthen this seed. This one is your rising song unlike before. She rises differently this year. To counter the forces of distraction. To counter lies. To counter fear. To counter the changes to come.

This holy imbolc seed is the key to your transformation.

To your reclamation.

To your homecoming song.

To your Rising.

NATURE. Get more of it. Longer walks. Even in the snow. Even in the cold. Even in the slush. Find a street with more trees. Walk to the trails. Go near the Sea. Whatever Nature you can do, do it. Find a bird and watch it. Listen. Notice tracks. Discover the different shades of blue. Find a sit spot and just land in it for 5 minutes. Listen. Do this. Again and again and again. Build a muscle towards NATURE.

Not AGAINST it.

I deleted Facebook and Instagram from my phone. Good riddance. I miss the connections. And seeing you in your growing changing processing sharing offerings….But I don’t miss the constancy of checking, scrolling, reading, tracking. TECHNOLOGY TRACKING is not the same as NATURE TRACKING. We are Nature Trackers at heart. We are meant to track the wild things. The bird call. The Deer. The Elk song. The moon rhythms. TRACK WHAT IS MEANINGFUL. Not that Social Media isn’t AFLAME with many ALTARS of SPIRITUAL food and meaning. There is so much beauty there. AND….OUR PHYSICAL, ETHERIC, ASTRAL, and MENTAL BODIES are not meant to be this OUT OF BALANCE from nature. The more we connect to this machine (which has parts and components from the deep underbelly of earth…the cold lifeless plutonian underbelly), the more we alter our natural state of being. We are in an altered state every time we get that dopamine rush from checking checking checking checking. Ding! Check again. Ding! Check. Ding! Check. Ding. Check.

It’s not to Dis the all of it -just to say

TAKE A BREAK

A biggie or a little one. Lean into the rhythm of the natural world substantially at least one day a week. At least more than 5 minutes a day. For more time than you spend Check Check Checking. The spell of forgetting is a dream we are all having. The wild remembering sometimes catches us unaware -but often, we really do have to work hard at it to shuck the shell of the old stories to make way for the new seed stories to emerge and grow

One step. Two steps. Three steps. Today I ran around Wonderland lake for the first time since trying in June. Day by day, little by little. Progress. Regression. Progress. Regression. Then today -Miracle of Miracles and unexpected. The trail is covered in snow and bits of ice and I ran all around it. Without stopping.

It’s a process this dance of life. And waking. Sleeping. Forgetting. Remembering. Stirring. Emerging. Becoming.

The heat is turned up, the intensity is on full throttle. We are here to wake up. More and more. To be here now, more and more in a slow, never-ending processing. It is an ever evolving processing. Even the shitshow out there -it’s a catalyst for MASSIVE AWAKENING. Waking up looks different for everyone. How one does it. How one navigates it. How one learns inside of it. Waking up is a love song. A prayer. We have forgotten so so much. We are remembering in waves. In layers. In patterns. In scraps. In cycles. In seasons.

Your body is a key. Your life force/etheric body is a key. Your emotional body is a key. Your mental body is a key. You are the key to the kingdom. There is a mystery at play with how your seed will guide you from now till spring.

All this to say: Trust seeds. Trust their crowning. Trust your unique stirring.

There is a story simmering in my belly. I don’t yet know what she is. But I can feel her. Story story sing to me. Who are you Medicine Story? Maybe we can all call her in. Dream into her lean into her. As soon as I know, I will share her with you. I’m listening. I’m so curious to know the medicine story that wishes to weave a mythopoetic net around us for a spell. Stay tuned. It must just pop up spontaneously between now and spring. Seeds are funny like that.

We are 40 days from Solstice. We are 40 days till equinox. We are in between on the wheel. Write your seeds. Intend your way into them.

Normally I write A LOT about Brigid on this day. If you are subscribed to this, I imagine you are well aware of Brigid and her power in bringing forth your light. In renewing you. In guiding your spirit to the exact nooks and crannies it is meant to discover in your being at this time…to allow you to awaken in the gentlest or most perfect way possible for you. I trust she guides my hands this time of year -so I wish to simply acknowledge her and her wisdom -her deep healing —her deep renewal —her call to warrior action if need be —her call for protection.

There are many wonderful writings on her. Here’s a substack on Brigid I came across (from last year) which I loved reading today. For a nice immersion into Brigid’s medicine.

Blessings on the light as it moves through each and every one of you on this day. may you sense in toward your stirring.

xoxo

Stasha

In reaching for new sense attractions

Soul-clarity would fill,

Mindful of spirit-birth attained

The world’s bewildering, sprouting growth

with the creative will of my own thinking

Rudolf Steiner Calendar of the Soul, Week 44 February 2 - 8