Alchemy of Balancing
The fall air cools the night, the early mornings. Leaves are yellowing, curling, purpling, browning. The Rose hips are ready to be harvested.
The apples are red and plump, crisp and sweet. The birds have been plucking the elderberries. Only a handful remain on elder skeleton umbrella stalks. The zinnias are softening their bright pastel pops. Curving inward ever so, ever so.
The magenta amaranth plumping. swoon.
Sun-filled calendula!
And the mama bear comes to our school property with a baby in tow.
last night, at my windowsill, owl, who who who-ing the questions and coo coo coo-ing the sweet sweet answers.
The mullein are taller than me. Goldening. Reaching. Spines of autumnal strength. The goldenrod and their many flower bursts exhale songs in my imaginings. Everywhere, gold.
Sun wanes upon the fields
Goldenrod begins
Sighing leaves let go of leaves
Day turns to night again.
—song in a round, Anni Zylstra
I have seen fox twice in the last three weeks. Her bright flicker flash red signaling creative change. She’s elusive but elegant. Mischievous yet bold.
I won’t lie. I’m denser at 51 than at 21. I’m heavier in body and mind. My soul often seems hidden, less knowable, retreating, hiding. Subtle inertia sets in. My brain hardens more. My body softens. Midlife change is weighty. It is more work to stay supple, to stay fresh, to stay open. Contractions in midlife feel more pressurized. Yet also, I can touch the harvest of my souls maturity. Of the work I’ve been tending. My fruit is also ripe, also red, also alive. Keeping things alive, in the sense of moisture, passion, Eros, awakening is a task I feel I take up in this season of my life.
The earth grows heavy in fall, in anticipation of winters bare ness. Yet fall things release with levity, plop, an apple; whispy twirling feathery light leaves.
And still, extending, reaching towards sun—the bursting outward at the seams sunflower.
I too surrender to change. It’s a dance—purple and gold. Yellow and brown. Open and inward. Extending and listening.
I realized the other day I was resisting shedding. I am in a shedding phase. I am in a death phase, whether I want to be or not. I don’t even know what that means quite honestly. It isn’t evident to me which of my forms is outworn, and coming undone. But I know it is true. My hair has been falling away like the twirling leaves, and I’ve been fighting it, looking at it one eyed. Until the other day I saw it with the eyes of the dragonfly, I saw the greater story , I am changing. I too am becoming Autumn. Shedding and ripening. Goldening and glowing. Releasing and dying to the old. I caught a glimpse of the new dawn, and shedding didn’t feel quite as scary. I welcome its medicine. With gratitude.
How to be with gravity, the ripe red weight of fall, and yet surrender to change, to transition, to the seasoning of below. That is the dance. A dance of these polarities- age and innocence. Wisdom and foolishness. lightness and darkness; gravity and levity. Opening and contracting. Dying and Renewing. Emergency and emergence. Crisis and opportunity. Name your dance. Find the opposites on either side of the spectrum. Dance your way into the whole picture whole spectrum of balance. Autumn is anything but black or white. It’s multilayered, multi hued.
Embody your inner alchemist.
We become alchemists of physics and meta-physics in these turning points of the wheel of the year.
equinox is upon us. As is a lunar eclipse in watery imaginative dreamy Pisces. We are completing the discipleship of Virgo season. Hopefully you caught wind of her purifying lute. So we too can prepare more deeply, inwardly for the continuing dance of change in fall (or spring, depending on where you are in the hemisphere of things).
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we step a few steps closer to Libra - to the season of balance. Inside and out. We are scales too. Dragon scales and balancing scales. It’s a great responsibility this balancing act, the ritual drama of becoming alchemist to changing seasonal songs.
I have a few more thoughts on this for the weeks to come, as we edge, edge walk our way closer to transition. We edge walk in the center towards the US elections, we edge our way closer to the center of the self, hopefully, prayerfully, yet honestly away from the edges of divisions and polarities. Finding the soft ripe center of truth without war, without destruction. Nature has her edges and polarities too, and yet she always always shows us balance. May we too hold the question: how do I embody more balance in all things- thought, word, deed? While I harvest my inner autumn, or seed my inner spring?
During strange and wonderful times- during massive upheavals or polarities? Am I in balance? Am I caught by others’ winds? Am I listening to the true center pillar the mullein spine stalk of truth within?
I’ve been a little bit underneath the surface, catching my breath inside of my own transitions, moving, starting a Waldorf inspired nature arts program for first and second grade children. Witnessing my daughter starting her new school year at a new school. A lot of change is happening in my world, but I also see all the changes happening out there. And so much more to come.
Please join me in two weeks time, 9/29 Sunday, 2pm mountain time zoom (paid subscribers only) for an online zoom live, (and recordings available) story about change. Season yourself in the golden glow of transition. Find your way back to your soul. Art your way inside your psyche.
Become Alchemy with me.
Xoxo
Stasha
